I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
