I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
