Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
