I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
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