bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
