Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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