just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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