Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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