oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
someone owes me an orgasm
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just had sex on a roof
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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