i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
