Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
