Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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