You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
