Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
