This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
