dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
