dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
