I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
