I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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