...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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