And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
