I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
