I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
