I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
