He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
