I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
