So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I have aggressive nipples.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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