She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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