i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
