I wanna bring you to show and tell
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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