It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
