I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
