Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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