it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
