dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
