remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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