If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
