i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
