what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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