If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
