the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
