so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Randomize
