we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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