drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
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for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
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The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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