In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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