singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
