Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
