I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
