Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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