I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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