Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
