i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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