Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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