Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
