Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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