she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
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When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
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Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
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