so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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