Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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