I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
