hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
