Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Come share oat with me in your robe
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
